MamaGrizzly

Six men will be dropped on an island with one car and 3 kids each for six weeks.

Each kid will play two sports and either take music or dance classes.

There is no fast food.

Each man must take care of his 3 kids; keep his assigned house clean, correct all homework, complete science projects, cook, do laundry, and pay a list of “pretend” bills with not enough money.

In addition, each man will have to budget in money for groceries each week.

Each man must remember the birthdays of all their friends and relatives, and send cards out on time.

Each man must also take each child to a doctor’s appointment, a dentist appointment and a haircut appointment.

He must make one unscheduled and inconvenient visit per child to the Urgent Care (weekend, evening, on a holiday or right when they’re about to leave for vacation).

He must also make cookies or cupcakes for a social function.

Each man will be responsible for decorating his own assigned house, planting flowers outside and keeping it presentable at all times.

The men will only have access to television when the kids are asleep and all chores are done.

There is only one TV between them, and a remote with dead batteries.

Each father will be required to know all of the words to every stupid song that comes on TV and the name of each and every character on cartoons.

The men must shave their legs, wear makeup daily, which they will apply to themselves either while driving or making three lunches.

Each man will have to make an Indian hut model with six toothpicks, a tortilla and one marker; and get a 4 year old to eat a serving of peas.

Each man must adorn himself with jewelry, wear uncomfortable yet stylish shoes, keep their nails polished and eyebrows groomed.

The men must try to get through each day without snot, spit-up or barf on their clothing.

During one of the six weeks, the men will have to endure severe abdominal cramps, back aches, and have extreme, unexplained mood swings but never once complain or slow down from other duties.

They must try to explain what a tampon is for when the 6-yr old boy finds it in the purse.

They must attend weekly school meetings, church, and find time at least once to spend the afternoon at the park or a similar setting.

He will need to read a book and then pray with the children each night without falling asleep, and then feed them, dress them, brush their teeth and comb their hair each morning by 7:00.

They must leave the home with no food on their face or clothes.

A test will be given at the end of the six weeks, and each father will be required to know all of the following information:

each child’s birthday, height, weight, shoe size, clothes size and doctor’s name.

Also the child’s weight at birth, length, time of birth, and length of labor, each child’s favorite color, middle name, favorite snack, favorite song, favorite drink, favorite toy, biggest fear and what they want to be when they grow up.

They must clean up after their sick children at 2:00 a.m. and then spend the remainder of the day tending to that child and waiting on them hand and foot until they are better.

They must have a loving, age appropriate reply to, “You’re not the boss of me”.

The kids vote them off the island based on performance.

The last man wins only if he still has enough energy to be intimate with his spouse at a moment’s notice.

If the last man does win, he can play the game over and over and over again for the next 18-25 years…eventually earning the right to be called Mother!

This is an amazing tribute to our troops done by Lizzie Palmer.  From what I understand, she is only 15 years old. 

Our problem is so serious that it seems to be the talk of both of our families - and our neighbors.  My Father called me twice yesterday to talk about the problem.  He’s left 2 voice mail messages this morning.  My husband’s Mother describes our behaviour as “strange”.  My husbands brother and sister cornered him yesterday and gave him a lot of grief on the subject.  They thought our “problem” was strictly related to having small children.  My husband politely told them that he has suffered with this problem for over 15 years - we’ve only had children in our lives for 3.5 years.  I’ve had this “problem” for 5.  It is DEFINITELY not a result of having children.  Our neighbor piped in that he doesn’t know of anyone else that suffers from our problem.  We’re starting to feel all alone.  And, we don’t criticize others for the decisions they have made.  It’s just our own personal “problem” - uh, I mean decision. 

And, we thought we were all alone, until I talked to the neighbor across the street.  She and her husband have the same “problem” that we do - and they feel EXACTLY the same way we do.  And their families have ALSO given them much grief.

So what is our “problem”?  We don’t have cable tv.  It’s not because we can’t afford it, it’s because we don’t WANT it.  We don’t have TIME to watch tv with 2 small children in the home.  My husband said it’s like paying for a golf course membership and golfing twice a year.  Why pay for something you don’t use?  And, with 2 children in the house, I do NOT want them channel surfing through all of the garbage that is on tv today.  But, apparently, it bothers an awful lot of people in our families. 

We actually offended my husbands sister because she wanted us to come over for Mother’s Day and “hang out”.  We know what “hang out” at her house means.  It means that the kids all go in their own bedrooms (4 children in 3 separate bedrooms) and watch their own private tv’s with cable tv piped right into their bedrooms.  The young ones (6 and 7)  can pretty much watch whatever they want - including Nickelodeon which is NOT for children.  We declined the nice “offer” because we said we wanted to spend time TOGETHER as a family - playing ball, taking a walk, going to the pool.  We asked if they would like to join us at the park - we would love for them to join us and we would provide the food.  There was silence on the other end of the line.  Call me whatever you want - I did not want to have children in their bedrooms watching tv while adults ALSO sit around in front of a different tv and “visit”. It just doesn’t sound appealing to me.  Am I that strange?  Our polite declination of the offer really offended his sister.  And, she didn’t accept our offer.  *sigh*

Don’t get me wrong - I’m not by any stretch of the imagination a “prude”.  We DO watch tv with the children.  But, we monitor what they watch.  And it’s not a “babysitter”.  I have lots of different videos for the children - ones that we approve of - and they can pick from them on Saturday mornings.  And I cuddle up with my son on the couch and watch the movie that “he picked”.  One day, when my daughter is old enough, I’m sure that she will join us in the movie selection and watching.  Sometimes I think just that the tv or “boob tube” has taken away so much from the family. 

Oh well.  I’ll be telling my father a little white lie - I’ll tell him today that we got cable.  It will make him ”feel” better.  He thinks we’re missing out on things.  The rest of the family can just deal with it.  I don’t “get” why it bothers all of them.  Are we the ONLY ones out there that choose not to center our family life around the television.   

Thanks to Jennifer at The Lactivist, I found this great video on the flu vaccine.  It’s a great parody on vaccines.  And let me just first say that we DO vaccinate in our household but we selectively vax, we delay some, and we do NOT do the flu shot.

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, “I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed”
 
She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches. She rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning. She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and h un g up a towel to dry. She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroo m. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair.
 
She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.
 
Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, “I thought you were going to bed.”

“I’m on my way,” she said.

She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on.

She looked in on each of the kids! and turned out their bedside lamps and TV’s, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.
 
In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list. She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.
 
About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. “I’m going to bed.”

And he did…without another thought.

Anything extraordinary here? Wonder why women live longer…?

CAUSE WE ARE MADE FOR THE LONG HAUL….. (and we can’t die sooner, we still have things to do!!!!)