MamaGrizzly

I’ve often heard the phrase that if we live long enough, we will leave this world much the way that we came in.   I have had a lot of time to reflect on this in the last few years as my 80+ year old Father has gotten older and now after visiting with him after a very difficult hip surgery, I had an opportunity to reflect on this while sitting at my Father’s bedside for 3 days.  It was hard trip for me as I had to leave my cute little toddlers behind - thankfully I have a marvelous husband who insisted that I go and despite the children being sick the entire time, my husband has told me over and over how much fun he had with the children. God has blessed me immensely!

I’ve watched my Father over the last couple of years progress from no naps, to taking 1 nap a day, to taking 2 naps a day.  It’s interesting because in that same period of time, my toddler has gone from 2 naps a day to 1 nap a day.  I’ve watched as occasionally he has become confused. I’ve also watched that he is an absolute creature of habit - boy howdy does that sound like a toddler or what?  Habits and routines - toddlers and the elderly thrive on those things and remove one of those and functioning normally can be difficult.

My Father had a bad fall and fortunately got to the phone and was able to call my sister.  After the initial hip surgery and some rehab, they found infection and so 2 more surgeries, lots of drugs and antibiotics were administered.  He’s now completely out of his element.  He’s in strange places moving around all the time with unfamiliar people and unfamiliar surroundings.  And worst of all, my Mother is no longer here to be that “rock” of foundation the way a Mother or Father is to a child.  What does that do to a toddler when they are in an unfamiliar surrounding and Mommy or Daddy didn’t bring them there to help them get adjusted?  Well, those of you have parented know that it brings about fits of tantrums due to unfamiliarity and anxiety.  They are out of their routine and out of their element - and it’s difficult.  It’s been exactly the same for my Father.

So this brings up a great comparison - I should treat my children exactly the same way as I treat my Father in his current state.  Would I get mad at him and yell at him for doing something he shouldn’t?   Of course not.  When my Father gets upset, I try to calm him down, console him, remind him who I am (a child wouldn’t necessarily need that), and simply be there for him. In other words, treat him with kindness and love.  And, just like when my toddler says, “Mommy! I don’t like you!” and my response is, “Well, I’m sorry about that but I still love you!”   My response to my Father when he says something mean will be along those same lines. It has to be, doesn’t it?  And with my Father, it very much boils down to treating him exactly the way I would want to be treated.  Should that be any different than how we treat our children?
It’s just been such a reflection for me these past few days in my parenting and in my struggles to parent.  It’s a reminder that my toddlers deserve the exact same treatment that my Father does.  It’s truly been a time of reflection for me and a reminder that my toddlers (well, my toddler and my preschooler) need the same amount of patience that I have with my Father.  And, it’s the same love and patience that will provide for a better long term relationship with my children.  And folks, that’s what it’s all about with our children - building a relationship. 

I’ve also been reading a book the last few days while my Father has been sleeping. The book is titled “Hold On to Your Kids - Why Parents Need to Matter More than Peers”. It’s a fabulous book and I can’t wait to share more of it. But the book is about connection - and connecting with our children. It also talks about how our society has changed and how much more critical a strong attachment is with our children.