MamaGrizzly

I simply can’t delete his phone number.  It’s been just over 2 months since my Father died and his home phone number (the one that the family has been dialing for over 37 years) is still programmed into my cell phone.  It says “Dad Home” followed by his number.  *sigh*  I don’t know when I’ll be ready to delete it.  It just makes it so, well, permanent and real that he is gone.  I might add that the actual number has been disconnected - my sister had to do that and I know it was incredibly difficult for her to do.  There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t think about dialing his number either.  I’ve called it a couple of times *knowing* that it has been disconnected.  My Mom has been gone now for 3.5 years and I STILL think about calling her.  I’ll be doing something and I’ll think, “I should call Mom”…. but I can’t reach either one of them with modern technology. 

It’s been difficult losing my Dad.  He was my last surviving parent and losing him has made me feel, at times, like an orphan.  He was the last person on this earth who had been there for me from the beginning.  He was the last person on earth who loved me unconditionally.  Losing him and dealing with that grief has made me realize how incredibly hard it was on him when my sister died in 2001.  I realize now that his reactions after she died, while they seemed strange, were his way of coping with the impossible.  It’s been hard enough to lose both parents but burying our parents is a natural part of life - it’s something we know we will probably all face someday.  Burying a child is a whole different story and I now know, more than ever, how incredibly difficult that must have been for my Father.

But the blessing is that life goes on and death has the incredible ability of bringing families closer together - of making us realize exactly what is important in life - it’s not a new car, or new clothes or money in the bank.  The value in this life is our family, our friends, our relationships and the chance to have a positive influence on someone else’s life.  ….. that is what matters most of all.  And God truly has blessed me with a wonderful family, husband, and the 2 cutest children in the whole world (sorry to break it to y’all but mine ARE the cutest and sweetest in the world).  And, while this Christmas will probably be one of the hardest, I have fond and fun memories of my own childhood and my parents.  I’m surrounded by family and friends who love me and care about me and I also have God there to hold me in the palm of His hand.  Merry Christmas!