MamaGrizzly

OK - I’m going to be a little bit cynical in this post.  But, I just had to laugh.  A very young soon to be new Mom friend of mine asked me a few weeks ago about a regular “date night” and what my husband and I do for a date night now that we have children.  I asked her what she meant and she said that some friends of hers from her church have been telling her that she and her husband really need to have once a week date nights after they have the baby.  I was sipping on a glass of tea at the moment and almost spit out my drink in laughter.  She asked me why I was laughing?

Well, I was laughing for a lot of reasons.  First of all, I don’t think people that make these kinds of statements live in the same world that I do.  First off - it’s EXPENSIVE to find a babysitter - especially when your children are younger.  And as for a newborn?  Well, there just aren’t that many people qualified to take care of a newborn.  And let’s not even discuss what a breastfeeding Mom is supposed to do.

Secondly, let’s suppose that I COULD afford the babysitter.  Now I have to find someone that I trust - and when you don’t have any family in town, that gets even more difficult.

Third, OK - let’s suppose that I DID have someone I could trust and afford - NOW I have to be able to afford going OUT!  UGH!  Do you see where I’m going with this?

Fourth - you know, children get up EARLY at our house.  So, now that I’ve got someone I can trust and afford taking care of my child AND I can afford to go somewhere, I better not stay out LATE because those children are going to wake up BRIGHT EYED and BUSHY TAILED (as my Dad used to say) and RARING to go.  Now, my children are awesome sleepers and they’ve been known to sleep in until 7:30 sometimes - but, I still better not stay out very late.   I really like my sleep!    :wink:

So, I asked my friend why the emphasis on actually going OUT and she said that it was important that they focus on their marriage as a couple even when the children arrive.   OK - Well, this I can agree on.  But, my question back to her was, “Why do you have to go OUT on a date every week?”    I guess my point back to her was that through the ages, families haven’t been able to “afford” this type of a luxury and they were able to stay married for a lifetime.   I know for a fact that my Grandparents didn’t go out on a “date night” - heck, they lived on a farm and had 4 boys and many sharecroppers.  They didn’t even have a car to drive until the youngest child was 13 years old.  But, somehow, my grandparents stayed married their entire lives without going every week.

I’m not trying to trivialize the time spent with your spouse - it’s important.  But you don’t have to spend a lot of money to have quality time with your spouse.  My husband and I spend time together talking every night when the children are in bed - we don’t have to spend a lot of money to have that quality time together.  I think the “once a week date night” was actually invented by the restaurant industry just like I think the greeting card company’s keep inventing new “holidays” so that they can sell more greeting cards.  Spend quality time together with your spouse - but just know that you don’t have to leave home and spend a lot of money to do that!