MamaGrizzly

I was around someone the other day who told their child that they better “get happy” - ”GET” happy?  How do you do that?  Everything in life isn’t always “happy”.  Why does their child have to be HAPPY?  I’m not happy all the time - as humans, we have a range of emotions - happy, sad, mad, afraid, glad…..

Then, I had a great talk with my sister the other day about feelings and emotions and how critical it is to let children “have” and experience feelings.  We talked about our experiences as children and she remembered that none of the family pets when she was growing up ever “died” - because our parents didn’t want the kids to have to deal with that emotion.  Why not?  Grief is a part of life - it’s something both my sister are dealing with now with the recent death of our Father.

What is MOST important, with children and emotions, is that they learn exactly HOW to deal with those feelings and what is appropriate.  I can’t “command” that my children be happy - I think that is actually absurd.  But, I CAN help them learn how to handle their feelings.  I’ve been working with my son on how to express his frustration and I have no problems with him telling me that he doesn’t like something - as long as he is respectful in the way he presents his feelings.

You see, I’ve been around people who have no CLUE how to express that they are mad at you or upset with you - and it can be incredibly frustrating to be their friend because you never know what you’ve said that upset them.  And, it certainly doesn’t promote a very healthy relationship.

The other day, my son wanted a snack 5 minutes before dinner.  I told him that he could not that dinner was almost ready.  I was so proud of him because after his bath, he said, “Mommy - can we talk about it?”

“Talk about what, sweetheart?”  I said.

“Well, I wanted a snack and you wouldn’t let me have one.  That made me mad”  he said very politely.

“Sweetie” I said as I put him on my lap, “I knew you were hungry and I was working hard on preparing a really nice dinner for everyone in the family and so I was busy and you were about to eat in 5 minutes.  It would have hurt MY feelings if you hadn’t eaten any of the dinner I had fixed and Daddy and your sister would have had to wait longer for dinner.  We can’t ALWAYS have what we want WHEN we want it.”

We talked a little bit longer and at the end of the conversation, I got a big hug with an “I love you Mommy” that almost moved me to tears.  I was so proud of him - he didn’t like something but he had learned HOW to tell me that in a very respectful manner.  He’s learning to express his feelings and emotions - a big step for children.  I don’t want my children to think they always have to be “happy” - that’s not a realistic expectation  - I’m certainly not always happy.  I DO want them to know how to handle their different emotions and how to express and discuss those feelings those.  THAT is a very important lesson to me!